The Netmums Real Parenting Revolution

A story on the front of the BBC new site caught my attention this morning. Netmums has launched a new campaign for parents to ‘get real’ and stop trying to be perfect. It seems that parents are inclined to lie about things such as how much quality time they spend with their children, how much TV their children watch and how much, or little, sleep they’re getting. And there’s a whole culture of competition among parents that causes people to shy away from asking advice or admitting to needing help.

I think, as blogging parents, we tend to be much more open to asking for advice at least, and some of us are happy to bare our souls (or messy living rooms) to the world, or this small corner of the internet, at least. But even we have tendency to put glosses on some things, in both directions. I post recipes of lovely home-cooked meals and, while ready meals are extremely rare here these days, we are certainly not averse to the occasional eggs, chips and beans (or Princess Spaghetti). In the other direction, my living room, isn’t actually usually as messy as the picture in yesterday’s post – but what would be the fun in sorting out a reasonably organised but not quite working corner of toys, when a big pile of crap would serve better.

I actually have a tendency to try to sound less middle class (though I think it tends to have the opposite effect) and play up my lack of organisational skills and domesticity. I also feel the need to show that it really is bloody difficult keeping on top of everything when you run a successful business and have two small children – especially if you don’t take maternity leave. So I may play up the mess and dirt – though, those of you who’ve been there will probably confirm that our house is a very far cry from clean or tidy.

When Rosemary first started having playdates, I fully admit to attempting to come across as some kind of supermum. I cleaned and hoovered and sorted toys and, even then, due to our personalities and tendency to acquire clutter, I will have still come across as a messy and disorganised mum (and, yes, really, it still is the mums everyone’s judging for the most part, isn’t it, even though it shouldn’t be). So, after a while, I toned it down, and decided that if they were going to be regular visitors, they would have to live with us as we come, because I just didn’t have time to do a full on spring clean every time one of Rosemary’s friends was coming round. If they couldn’t live with that, then fine, Rosemary can go play at their house all the time instead.

But, even if I’ve managed to grow out of any competiveness in terms of the state of the house (maybe, after Operation Reverse Pandora is complete, I’ll get back into that competiveness), there are still areas where I just can’t help trying to compete. Birthday cakes and party bags are two examples.

Attempting to look in some way stylish (in my own way, though) on the school run is another, and believe me, last Monday afternoon, when I got showered with complaints on my new hair, I was extremely chuffed.

And I find it extremely difficult, despite knowing better, to not feel embarrassed when Rosemary seems to be behind in something and glow when she’s doing better than others. I really do know that everyone develops at different rates and that there are so many factors that affect learning and development, but any academic excelling has me jumping for joy inside (and sometimes outside).

And asking for help and advice? I’ll do it here, in parenting forums and on twitter, but rarely will I do it in person. The most I’ll manage is to admit to being disorganised enough not to know the day school starts back or the time of the ballet class. And I might mention sleep problems and behaviour issues with the hope of getting some pointers, but I probably won’t say ‘What should I do?’ And asking for more concrete help like taking Rosemary to school because we’re ill or giving her a lift somewhere because we don’t have a car or asking if she could come round on a last-minute playdate so we can finish a job? Nope. Can’t do it. I can just about accept it if it’s offered, but I can’t ask. Chris can, fortunately. I can offer it, no problem, which is good I suppose.

How about you? Are you going to start to ‘get real’? Do you tell white lies about your parenting? Are you happy to ask for advice and help? Do you think the Netmums campaign is a good thing?