Guest Post – Joanne Mallon, author of Toddlers: An instruction Manual

Today I have a guest post from Joanne Mallon, who’s book, Toddlers: An instruction manual has recently been published by Nell James Publishers (also available on Kindle). Joanne is a freelance parenting journalist, a life and career coach and a parent of two. The book offers parenting tips from parents who have survived the toddler years and part of the royalties are donated to Home-Start, one of the UK’s leading family support charities.

This extract is from the chapter on discipline. I’m very pro-discipline and boundaries, I think they help children feel secure. But one thing I’m against is smacking and this is why:

Smacking

There are many alternatives to approaching the same situation. Every family is unique, and how each of us does things is our own business.

But there’s one issue on which I’m unequivocal – Smacking. I don’t do it, I think it’s wrong, and I don’t want you to do it either. It’s old fashioned, positively dinosaur parenting. This is the 21st century and we have many other, better ways to do things now.

I have never smacked either of my two children. And it’s not as if I haven’t wanted to. Sometimes I’ve felt so wound up by their behaviour that I could feel the mists rising and I wanted to let it out in a short sharp shock.

But that is exactly what is wrong with smacking – all too often it’s about the adult expressing their anger, rather than what may be best or most meaningful to the child.

And the truth is that a smack is meaningless to the child. In fact it’s contradictory. How can you tell your child not to hit others if you hit them? You are their greatest role model in everything, so model how you want them to behave.

If my children ever whacked each other (and it doesn’t happen often), I say “This is not a hitting house. I don’t hit you, you don’t hit me, and you don’t hit each other”.

Find other ways to discipline your child and keep your hands to yourself. Walk away if you need to – sometimes parents can benefit from Time Out too.

What do you think about smacking? Is it one of your absolute no-nos? I agree with Joanne that it’s wrong.

I have done it twice myself, though, and just thinking about it makes me feel awful. Both times were danger points – one where RoRo was about to put her hand into a mixing bowl while the electric whisk was going; one where LaLa was about to put her hand in an electric socket. It was a very fast reflex, yet still totally wrong. Both times I apologised and explained that what I had done was completely and utterly wrong and I, do, of course know that there was a better way. (And, of course, it didn’t work in terms of teaching them not to do those things!)

Have you ever slipped and how did you feel?